Oh Father

Today is my Dad's 70th birthday. A few weeks before he passed away, I already planned for this special day -- a grand celebration in a fancy restaurant with our close relatives present. But then, he died. He was 69. This day, as I celebrate his 70th year, I still feel sad that he can't be with me and my Mom.

Losing someone very special and very close makes one feel empty. I never realized that until Dad left us. As a physician, I've seen death in front of me several times -- enough to last a lifetime. But seeing Dad die is something different. And I miss him a lot.

Below is a poem which I have written a few days back during the Fathers' Day celebration. Dad, this is for you. Happy birthday.



LARAWAN

Nakatitig ako sa larawang
sabi'y kamukha kita.
Sinusundan ang bawat guhit
at pinagdugtong-dugtong na
detalye ng aking mukha.
Marahil, iyung labi at mata.

At sa patuloy na pagtitig,
napapansin din ang mga guhit
na nilatak ng panahon,
dala ng di-mabilang na pagtawa
at pag-iyak.
Hambing sa mga guhit na
nagpatanda na rin sa iyong mukha.
Magkatulad nga ba?

Magkaiba ang landas na ating tinahak.
Ngunit ang dikta ng ating dugo ay iisa,
na ang bawat pagguhit ng panahon
sa ating noo, pisngi, gilid ng mata,
tunay nga, iisa.
Kaya, magkamukha.

Sa pagbilang ko ng taon
hanggang pagtapak sa hukay,
ikaw, ama, at ako,
nananalaming sabay.

Unico Hijo Soy Yo

I’m an only child. When I was a kid people used to comment that I was a spoiled brat. I denied, of course, because I was not. I was trained by my parents to be independent. That means going to the market (and we are talking of a public market) to buy meat and veggies, scrubbing the floor, feeding the chicken and, of course, cooking. My parents did not give me everything that I wanted. If I insisted on something, say, a toy, I would get either a kurot from my Mom or a palo from my Dad. Ergo, I was not spoiled.

Now that I’m a grown-up and I know what I really want in life, I realized that some of the people in my past were perhaps right. In a way, I might have been a spoiled brat. Well, when I was young I did not really feel like I was one. I was at the top of the class, my Mom was a teacher in my school – everybody feared me. But I could have been indeed spoiled. And now, the spoiled kid who was repressed in my subconscious is surfacing. (Freud was a real genius.) Why? Here are 11 reasons:

1. I get what i want, or at least I should.
2. I love attention. Good attention, that is.
3. I always come late.
4. I get pissed off easily.
5. I don’t make the first move.
6. I don’t say sorry, unless I did something very very very offensive.
7. I’m inclined to believe that I’m always right.
8. I’m very impulsive.
9. I don’t care what others think of me.
10. I expect a lot from people.
11. I’m a snob.

Pagsulat Sa Alak Na Pula

I'm sharing with you a few of my selected poems. These literary pieces are written in a span of a decade, from 1994 to 2004. Some of them were published in Heights (the literary magazine of the Ateneo de Manila University) and Sunday Inquirer Magazine. Although they may look a bit "unpolished," I intended not to edit them for the sake of preserving the original soul and context at the time the poems were written. Hope you like them.



ARKANGHEL

Sadya niyang inilapad
Ang kanyang mga pakpak
At palipad na lumisan sa
Gabing wala ni gabutil na
Liwanag ng buwan.

Sa ganitong kadiliman,
Silhueting malabnaw lamang niya
Ang kayang sundan ng
Tingin kong hindi kumurap.

'Ka niya, iyun na ang gabi ng
Aming huling tagpo.
Ah! Kirot ng dibdib!
Paano ba umusbong ang pag-ibig sa
Mga pusong hindi natakot sa
Sumpa ng langit?

Patuloy kong tinitigan ang
Silhueto niyang paliit nang paliit at
Tuluyang naglaho sa
Gitna ng mga tala.

Tama.
Hindi na siya magbabalik pa.



SA ARAW NG MGA PUSO

Maingat na kakagatin ng
talim ng gunting
ang lapad ng papel na pula.
Una'y pasulong,
tapos, paliko,
at isa pang paliko na
nag-iiwan ng kanto,
at muling pasulong,
pabalik sa pinagsimulan ng paggupit,
hanggang mabuo
ang isang hugis puso;
sinisigurong ang pagkakayari'y
makinis at walang lukot.

Ako, tila isang bata,
mahilig gumawa ng pusong papel.
Sa iyo'y iaalay ko
ang aking ginupit;
kunwa'y iyong tatanggapin,
at pagkatapos,
pupunitin.



SAGITSIT NG TABA

Katamtamang init at patak ng tubig
ang siguruhing dadampi sa
balat
ng liempong nililitson
sa broiler.
Maglaan ng marami-raming
sandali ng paghihintay.
Hayaang mamula ang balat
ng karne sa patindi nang patinding
init
sa loob ng lutuan.
Lasapin at namnamin muna
ang bangong dumadampi
sa nagugutom na ring ilong.
At makalipas ang dipa ng pagtitiis,
pasasabugin natin
ang pitang makatikim
ng malutong na balat ng liempong
isinawsaw sa sarsang maanghang.

Sabay nating pagsaluhan
ang karneng niluto para sa hapunan,
tayong dalawa lang.



GONZAGA 303

Namimilipit sa sakit nang
Dumating ang pusa
Sa aking laboratoryo.
'Ka niya, manganganak na ako.

Inihiga ko siya
Sa ibabaw ng mesa.
Ineksamen ang kalagayan niya.

'Ka ko sa kanya, delikado
Ang manganak ka nang normal.
Kaya 'ka niya, gawin ang dapat.

Kinuha ko ang iskalpel.
Hiniwa ang kanyang tiyan,
Ang kanyang sinapupunan,
At mula rito, hinugot ko,
Tatlong malulusog na kuting
Kulay puti, abo at itim.

Tinahi ko ang sugat niya,
Nang magkamalay siya,
Wala akong pambayad, 'ka niya.
Sa akin, iniwan niya
Ang kuting na puti
Saka matuling lumisan.

'Ka ko, marami na akong
Pusa sa laboratoryo.
Kaya nang may magpaeksamen
Sa akin na asong di magkaanak,
Ibinigay ko sa kanya
Ang kuting na puti.
Buong saya niya itong iniuwi.

What It Feels Like For A Guy

Just a few days ago was the anniversary of my circumcision. (Okay, for the hypocrites out there, this article is for mature-minded people only!) I don’t really celebrate the day I entered manhood. I just recall the time when I had to undergo the “ritual” which, eventually, as I would learn later on, has a sound medical basis.

For Filipino adolescents, circumcision is passage rite to something really big. My grandfather even told me that the rite was needed for me to become a grown-up. Of course, it just so happened that the time the ritual was done was the phase of the body’s rapid growth because of hormonal influences. Nevertheless, I guess my grandfather’s statement was that of the metaphorical, and it made sense.

Having had my circumcision during my early teenage years, I advocate circumcising boys in early adolescence. Slicing the foreskin in infancy is recommended only for the Americans, if ever they get circumcised at all. Filipino teenagers have a rich culture which will cultivate the young boy to enter adulthood. What do I mean? It is very important, psychologically and socially, that the boy should experience the pangangamatis, the tuksuhan, the supot, the binyagan and the pagbibinata issues. If he had his circumcision in infancy, he will not be able to relate with his playmates.

Circumcision is a minor surgical procedure but is a very important phase in a young boy. So, as a man and as a physician, I make sure that I do it smoothly and perfectly on my patient—from injecting the anesthetic to bandaging the finished product. Skill is also a very important factor to possess—the finished product should look good, because that will be his most precious until his best sexual and reproductive years. The penis is still a man’s greatest asset.

Science has made circumcision less painful and uncomfortable with all the modern equipments and drugs you can imagine. The butagan is now very obsolete or almost non-existent. The doctor is now the young boy’s best friend in opening the gate to manhood for him. Yes, boys undergo just one pain in their lifetime, but that one pain is worth the lifetime.

If Symptoms Persist

* I've always wanted to become a doctor. As early as the age of five I already had a doctor's kit for playing (that kit, by the way, is still in my toy box). I don't know why I wanted to become a physician, considering that I feared our family doctor specially when the time came for my vaccine shot. Still, I took medicine as my career and vocation. I've always been amazed by people wearing white blazers. In fact, during my interview for admission to medical school, the preceding was my reason why I wanted to become a doctor, not because I "wanted to serve humankind."

* I look high at my profession. I value my degree as a "M.D." that I won't allow anyone to step down on it and insult it. Doctors are professionals who spent more than ten years of their life understanding the human body -- the greatest creation of the Creator.

* I am against the medical malpractice bill. First, because it is against doctors. Second, it is against the poor. Common sense will tell you. Imagine a society requiring doctors to pay annual malpractice insurance, plus the punishment for such "grossly negligent" acts being penal/criminal ones. (That categorizes the doctor as a criminal! No doctor in his right mind will ever want to hurt a patient.) The ultimate recipients of the returns for such a malpractice bill will be the indigent. And what comprises the majority of the country's population in terms of economic standing?

* Patients are our costumers, but it doesn't mean that you being the costumer, you have all the rights and privileges to raise your voice against your doctor. Don't be an as*hole patient. If waiters have their own way or style of getting even with as*hole costumers like spitting on your juice or throwing your pizza on the floor, so do doctors.

* I am an advocate of evidenced-based medicine. This reflects the fact that I am a very scientific person. I am out to discredit various forms of alternative medicine which come my way and pretend to be the most effective type of therapy there is. If you want to convince me regarding the efficacy of your claim, say, of an herbal product, you should show me numerical figures based on valid statistical designs proving your hypothesis. Otherwise, drop me from your list.

* Law was my second choice. After all, both medicine and law are equally good professions. (Wait, one of my eyebrows is trying to reach the ceiling.) However, I took medicine because I wanted decisions to be instant. I mean, if I had become a lawyer, I might be solving just one case in a span of five years (just imagine the case of Ninoy Aquino's assassination). But, when a patient comes into your clinic or emergency room, not breathing... you should do something on the spot to save his life. You get my point?

* Since I am specializing in Pathology, my favor is biased toward the practice of pathology. I hate it when other medical specialties look at pathology like it is not a member of the medical team. It maybe understandable, anyway (read: sarcasm!). Ladies and gentlemen, meet your doctors who slept during their pathology classes in sophomore year medical school, or perhaps were absent during their pathology classes. For them, pathology is a just a subject to be passed and not the backbone of the practice of medicine. Poor kids.

* I don’t believe in power-tripping. I’m a senior resident but I don’t intimidate my subordinates. My attitude is the complete opposite of that of my seniors before who acted like there was no God. (My senior pathology residents are an exeption.) I don’t know where they are now. I don’t really care, but I care to know if their being superioristas earned them the coveted positions in the practice of medicine, or simply, if they were successful at all. If you are indeed very comfortable about your career, why intimidate your juniors? Consultant to resident, resident to intern, intern to clerk. There is only one reason why you act so badly – you didn’t have a happy childhood!

* Medicine is a specialized science. Don't expect doctors to know everything. Each to his or her own specialty. For example, if you are medical technologist, do not brag that you can make perfect peripheral smear, because you are expected to do so. Likewise, if you are an internist, do not brag that you can interpret ECG tracings very well, because you are expected to do so. If you can't do your job, shame on you.

* I am trained to approach patients clinically, meaning, I see the patient face to face. I am not trained to treat patients through text messaging or phone calls. Moreover, medicine is not an exact science. Don't ask me, "What's the drug for cough?" Why? Because a simple allergic reaction, acute tonsillitis, full-blown tuberculosis, and AIDS pneumonia all present with cough.

* I keep on saying this and I'll say it again, "If symptoms persist, consult your doctor."